it's competitive. i find more competition in the music building over a practice room than in seating auditions. it's maddness. the only other competition i find is trying to find a washer not in use on a sunday night... pretty much camping out in the laundry room until someone's load is done, stalk them, and then quickly put your clothes in before they know what hit them.
the competition here is pretty high, but i don't seem to see it as much as i did during audition times and during seating auditions. the practice room issue is actually where i find all the competition and where i find out that musicians are vicious people. they will do anything to get into a practice room and hide out there for an hour or three or 20. i can never find a room that's open and it annoys the crap out of me.
annoyances? well... i have a lot of those in my life (cough cough roommate issues) but still, it's nothing to set me off on a long tangent unless i'm actually speaking to you and you know the person in question.
so here i am, a music student, annoyed by my roommate, annoyed at the music school, sitting, splitting headache (or a "horrible migraine" as my roommate would put it), on the floor, hunched over, in my girlfriend's room. why am i complaining? it's just an inconvenience to be in this situation.
this week is really really busy for me. i've been held up with Rocky Horror rehearsal, homework, practicing, classes, work.... i don't have time to do necessary things like eat and sleep.
don't get me wrong, i love what i do, it's just that it feels like it's too much at times. i'm just surprised i didn't end up like a cornell student.
emotionally i've been pretty stable since my last freakout - maybe i've been a little depressed? it's hard to say. but how can i be depressed? i mean, i'm in a good school, i'm in a good music program (and on clarinet, woah!), i have a girlfriend, i have friends, everyone is very supportive... why am i depressed? maybe because i secretly feel alone? it's hard to say. there's nothing really making me depressed.
but there is that factor of sleep. you see, i barely sleep anymore because of all these nightmares. last night i had a nightmare that i went on a roadtrip with my friend back home and we were following a bus carrying my high school band on it, but we stopped by a fast food resturaunt and we got lost. we ended up getting back with them, but our band director was drunk and it was really scary because my band director seems like the kind of guy who gets really angry when he's drunk and he was and he started hitting us. needless to say i woke up, but still...
i think that it might be my medications reacting to each other that makes me have nightmares.
everything is really confusing in my nightmares. but when i wake up, life seems better than when i'm asleep. i don't know how to deal with it...
final thoughts?
i'm fucking tired.
