6 down, NONE TO GO!

Ok, so i had my crane audition today. it went very well. it was just very very long. it was around 30 minutes, but we did a lot of things. the two clarinet professors asked me a lot of questions, admired my bass, heard me play, talk some more, and finally they gave me a recording of the Crane Clarinet Choir. i think they want me since they went on about their dream of having a bass clarinet octet.

so now i have to make a decision. after i hear back from susquehanna and crane, i have to chose where to go.

it's so scary.

all emotions set aside

ellen and i broke up. after a year and a month of dating, it wasn't a harsh "you did this!" "you did that!" "i hate you!" break up. it was more of a "lets step back and see what exactly is going on" breakup.

i mean. yes, there was crying. but what was said was said and what has been done is done.

we're going up to Potsdam tomorrow. apparently there's a clarinet meeting that night so we're going to that. i'm excited to get this over with :)

5 down 1 to go!

this week has been hellish. completely hellish. i've had so much shit come up that it's made me do stupid things thus making even more drama.

anyway, yesterday we went up to susquehanna university, a school i'm not too thrilled about. i wasn't really impressed with the school itself, but i have a lot of friends that go there and i hear it has a good music school.

so i got there and the gave me my schedule. 11:10 piano proficiency (which was basically me sight reading and playing a fakebook version of Shennandoah xDDD oh the irony), 1:20 musicianship and 1:30 actual audition. wait. look again. i had 10 minutes inbetween sight-singing and my actual audition. yes. that was what i guess made me do my performance the way it went.

so i met up with my friend and we went to the sight-singing and audition together (probably not the greatest idea on my part). i warmed up and went to go the sight singing which was fairly high for my range. well, sorry i can't hit a C within the staff.

the audition itself. gosh, it was my worst audition yet. my reeds dried out and my Bb felt like it was making it's own noise. then my bass reed dried out and i couldn't get a G# (on the staff) out. man, it was terrrible. i felt so bad. i couldn't do a 3 octave F scale, but i could do much more on bass than anything.

i wanted to cry. it was so bad. but i didn't, surprisingly. but what a surprise i got when i got home...

I GOT ACCEPTED TO ITHACA COLLEGE.

mom freaked out. we were going to party, but now we're just watching TV.

"you want it? you got it!"

why can't i remember?

i know i don't remember a lot of things. but i don't remember what i did today. i'm laying on my bed just like i usually do since i lack a desk and i'm trying to remember what i did today.

what did i do yesterday? what did i do last week? i'm trying to remember. there was something about chelsea and robyn. deep conversations. and i remember playing my uke and guitar for a while.

maybe it's because there was no school. or because i got into this routine of just doing things. maybe it's because every day seems like it's worthless.

i remember now.

i had a dream i drove to fairfield and hung out with chelsea and drove my way to robyn's. i wanted to meet with emma's parents to just talk about stuff. but i ended up being lost. i wanted to text emma (even though she didn't have texting) what her address was, but realized later in that "oh yeah" way that she's gone. i got stuck in an alley and asked an old cat lady where emma's house was. she told me to stay for tea, but i had to go. i needed to know how to get to emma's. she gave in and told me how to get there. i got there and i don't remember what happened next. maybe i woke up?

then i remembered that one dream that made a whole lot sense to me about her death. but since i can't remember quite clearly i'll look back at my diary entry of that date:

"11/1/09

I had an Emma Dream. It started out with Emma, Chelsea, Nick Bradley (idk) and I walking in the woods talking about the spirits that make noises at the bottom of a cliff in the woods. We all wanted to make the noises stop. In order to calm the spirits down, Emma was chosen to be a sacrifice. We heard a cry for help on the bottom of the cliff and Em looped the rope around her neck. I was horrified when she told Nick to pull as hard as he could. We all had ropes around our necks. We pulled and Chelsea came up on the other end. I ran over to Emma and told her not to do that again because it scared me. She just smiled and laughed.

We went back into her room and she was preparing for her sacrifice. It was slightly raining. Chelsea asked her if she really wanted to go through with it and once again Em smiled. I hugged her and told her that there was no way that she could do it. I told her how I couldn't imagine my life without her. She smiled and laughed and told me how we were going to room together at NEMC and how it was going to be the best year ever. I told her some memories and she told me hers. She got scissors and cut her fedora into three parts and gave us a part. She was smiling and laughing."

it made so much sense. knowing Emma, she was a very spiritual person and believed in wicca. i'm not too sure about sacrifices, but it sounds to me like she had the power within her to sacrifice something. i'm not saying that she sacrificed herself, but it is a possibility.

maybe i'm over-analyzing my dreams.

my insanity

my insanity is getting out of control. i'm gonna try to get help for it.

i feel like i've been neglecting everyone in my life. maybe because of these auditions. i'm being a shitty friend. especially to those who go to school with me. all i ever do is talk to friends that don't go to my school. or don't live in my state.

we got about 3 feet of snow today. it was fun. there was no school today and there's no school tomorrow which makes it a 6-day weekend. :D

everything is going oh-so fucking fantastic.

4 down, 2 to go and more

first off with the Fredonia audition, it went extremely well. i'm very confident i got in. but whatever. the plane ride back was shitty as hell. the landing especially.

i hate america. i really do. after watching the super bowl commercials, it just showed me that america is sexist and has obsessions with food and beer. why? because it's a man's world and that's just the way it is. i'm doing some research on gender roles/gender identity for my journalism class, and when a school polled 5th - 8th graders about the best an worst things about being a girl/boy, the boys had a little to no reasons about the worst things, and he girls had little to no reasons about the best things. to read the whole article, here's the link:

http://www2.edc.org/womensEquity/pubs/digests/digest-midschool.html

about the food issue, yes, there is an obvious addiction when most of the obese people in the world live in the united states. it sickens me to see all those happy faces see that beer truck coming down the road. this is why the us is fat and ugly and simply, stupid. no wonder there's so many tv shows on fat people (i.e. the biggest loser, the 500 pound virgin, the world's largest man, the 1 ton teen, etc.). by showing these shows, it makes the plague of fatness worse because people are actually fascinated by the fatness of their own country and just sit on their asses and be fat.

all these emotions stirred by the super bowl? yes. and sports too. interesting how in high school, they are willing to cut the arts programs, but not the sports programs which suck the money out of budget in the first place. god forbid football ends. it'll be the end of western civilization as we know it. ew. vomit.

all in all this country rots to the very core. not only can we not have a firm sense of government, but we can't control our people. america fails. epically.

when did it become sunday? seriously?

zomg red panda

because i will not have access to my own personal mac, here is a picture of a red panda. i'm flying off to buffalo tomorrow. mom told me not to bring my computer so i'm gonna be stuck with just texting.

anyway. here's to a good audition at SUNY Fredonia!

*cheers*

back into the swing of things

so, today was the start of the 2nd semester, and boy was it rough. it wasn't even a normal scheduled day. we had a class meeting sitting across from the freshmen in the main gym. it was brutal. couldn't hear anything.

i found out 3 of my midterm grades though. engrish - 89, latin - 73, and ap music theory - 94. not too bad, right?

i kinda fell asleep with the wrapping still around my wrist. i woke up at 3 am thinking to myself "oh shit!" and i got it off immediately. i woke up this morning listening to sum 41 (which is never a good thing) and found little burn marks on my wrist. goes to show that you shouldn't leave icy hot covered for very long. my wrist is getting better, it's just that it hurts a little now.

nothing really on my mind today.

icy hot

yay! i think i sprained my wrist yesterday morning. like, it would not work. so i went out and bought myself a handy-dandy ACE bandage! today it still kinda hurt so i wrapped it up and put icy hot on it. it feels sooooooo good.

so today was the last of the midterms. i had to come in for journalism, which took me about 30 minutes to finish up my front page. blahhh. no more midterms for me! :D and hopefully i'll only have to take just 1 or 2 finals.

nothing worth of interest came to my mind. it was something with music... but i don't remember.

lets see how far we've come

so i was being a creeper on facebook again, (seriously, i don't know anyone who doesn't) and i came across an old classmate of mine, Tyler Shamy. i haven't spoken to him since 8th grade when i asked him what he was doing staying after school and he told me that he was waiting for his ride to a commercial shoot. that's the last i saw of him. i found his fanpage on facebook and i decided to have a look. well... i think it'd be better if you took a look for yourself:

http://www.facebook.com/tylershamy?ref=ts

yeah. he's famous now. well...kinda. famous among those who follow radio disney religiously.

but that got me thinking to how i have made this double standard as either being a music teacher or being a full-time musician. both different worlds. i'd like to be part of the indie scene, but teaching is what i really want to do.

which bears the question: does one go out looking for fame, or does fame find you?