i wonder...

if i were to be seen as who i really am... who would i be? what kind of person?

a hypocrite? yeah probably. tell people to not do things that you do.

good news:

i got into Moravian school of music and got a really big scholarship

friend A was happy

bad news:

audition is saturday

was in a bad mood today

passed out last night

probably won't finish my homework tonight

friend A got really upset over friend B who started yelling at friend A

so. i just wonder, how would you be viewed if you were the person you really are? in the big argument of friends A and B, B started talking to A asking if she was okay. A was being a little depressed, so B tried to get her to talk. A didn't like that. B started yelling at her and called her names. A retaliated back, but with no avail, thus making her hate B because she likes to just pick a fight.

pick a fight? hardly. friend B was trying to explain to friend A how her life is going right now, but ended up misinterpreted as a fight and name-calling. all childish in my opinion. they're both adults (to some degree) and they fight like they're 3. i mean, it's sad that they would be fighting like this when friend A is in distress. friend B has been worried sick about A, but she holds grudges that last for a long time, so it looks like B won't be talking to A for a while.

and where do i play in? the middle of course. it's because i'm the one that has to calm A down. A's life is basically in my hands at the moment and B intervening and talking shit about A didn't make things better. am i upset at B? yes. am i upset at A? yes. why? B and A are both being immature. it makes me wonder, do people really ever grow up?

and if people don't grow up, where do they go? neverland? i can't help but think that i am the sole purpose that A is still alive and that B is miserable. i just became an omnibus to the situation, so i'm still not sure how to run things. it feels like i have complete control and if one thing slips up, then it's all over.

pressure