why might you ask? well, lets just say that a friend of mine decided to do something drastic to herself. if you guessed self-injury, then you're right. now i know why people want to hurt themselves, i've been there before; hurting so much on the inside that you want to just feel something at least human. i've seen many people go through this dark stage and trust me, it's scary as hell.
not many people know what it's like to cut/burn/hurt yourself. it's a matter of their mental state of being that could push them over the edge to self destruction. you get so lost in your own world, that nothing makes sense anymore. you start to break down, crying sometimes, because you don't know what to feel; anger? sadness? what is happiness anyway?
then you start to feel like you don't mean anything to anyone anymore. why am i here? what good do i do for other people? i'm not noted enough for my effort, why won't anyone recognize me? why does everyone hate me?
so now you're doubting your existence. would people care if i died? how would my friends react? am i doing the right thing?
you chicken out on doing the actual suicide, but now you're still suck with this feeling of worthlessness and doubt. am i really human? or am i some sort of creature? so you take that knife and you feel more human. the feeling... does it feel good? does it hurt? it depends. some like the pain so much that it had become an addiction.
i should stop before i get more into detail. but you get my point. it's a grim tale, but true. i see it all the time. it sucks.
I think this is fine for people to read if they have depression (point in case: I have depression and I just read it). I'm sure it helps a lot of people to be able to see, in writing, why things like this happen.
ReplyDeleteYou hang in there. Being powerless sucks, I know, but the best thing you can do for your friend at this point is to be there for her if she needs you. That's about it.